Maternity Jorts

I remember being perplexed about this with Baylor, but my animosity towards the designer of maternity clothes has gotten worse this time around. Why the hell do all maternity clothes have bows, cap sleaves, ruffles or all of the above? Why are maternity shorts either of the baggy no shape variety or denim? Why must I dress like a 5 year old OR a redneck? Why doesn’t J.Crew have a maternity line?!

Oh. And don’t get me started on those assholes at Pea In The Pod. Their very nicely cut white shorts are SIXTY DOLLARS. I don’t spend $60 on any one item (ok, face cream. But really, that’s an investment in my future) why the hell would I spend it on shorts that I will wear for MAYBE 1 year total? Those jerks are trying to take advantage of my need for stretching waistlines and decent fabrics.

I mean I get it. I understand that some women want to cover up their arms or are in need of shapeless shorts to cover their posteriors. I was that lady (I tried on my postpartum shorts last week and they fell off while buttoned – Jen the trainer really had her work cut out for her) and there’s a strong possiblity that I’ll be that chick again. However, I have very strong intentions of keeping my sessions with Jen going, running and keeping my cookie cravings to a manageable amount (1 box is not a serving size). That said, until I balloon so the size of, well a balloon, I would like to look decent until the point where I wrap myself in a bed sheet toga style and call it a day.

See what I mean?

Ugh. The frayed cuff is a nice touch.

If I wanted to dress like Mrs. Dugger, I would grow my hair to my butt and move to Arkansas. Until then, no gracias.

Where to start? The pattern? The sleeves?  Bleh.

I guess where you see a need, it makes sense to fill it. I’m over starting a retail store though so if anyone out there is feeling ambitions, lets talk; I’ll design the clothes and the store, you run it and sell stuff – deal? Until then, I’ll be the lady hunting around Target and then running to the tailor to make me a decent wardrobe for the foreseeable future.

Advertisements