Tag: funny

Gettin’ Strait

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Friday night we joined good friends Ryan and Lisa for dinner and the George Strait concert. It was the second time I’ve seen him and it’s honestly one of the best concerts I’ve ever been to. The man may be getting older, but man can he still entertain! He hit all of my favorites; Run, Blue Clear Sky, The Chair and Amarillo by Morning – a favorite of both PW and I. We especially like that we have been in Amarillo, in the morning while listening to Amarillo by Morning.  We’re nerds, we know.

The Iphone did not capture just how good our seats were…

I think the best part about George is he plays a ton of old stuff with a few new songs – so the result is a lost voice from singing along all night. We also had fantastic club level seats thanks to Ryan. Although when PW is enjoying himself, he is all. over. the. place in those rolling chairs…

I think my favorite was the encore. He opened with Fireman and then did a 10 minute long rendition of Folsom Prison Blues.  It was really amazing.

The last time I saw him was about 7 years ago. My entire family was there and we had a box. PW was still in law school and completely annoyed because we kept calling him and singing to him despite the 2 hour time change. The best part was Mame was there and being a life long George fan, she was in heaven. And a little drunk. Which made for a lot  of screaming and cheering. It was hysterical. It didn’t quite feel the same without her this time.

When we were kids, my favorite songs was All My Ex’s Live in Texas and  (which we heard on Friday). The reason it was my favorite was because I thought it was about tic tac toe – like x’s and o’s. I would always ask Mame “Where do the O’s live?”. Her response varied from trying to explain that it wasn’t about tic tac toe to just responding “Tennessee – where his hat lives”. I was also a little baffled why he sang a song about Ocean Front Property in Arizona when we didn’t have an ocean. It was then that she would explain that there used to be an ocean, but not any more. Because trying to explain sarcasm to a 3 year old is just too much work … as I am learning myself.

Modern Marvels

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One of my mom’s favorite childhood stories about my sister Ali is when she came home asking my mom for a recipe for ice. Ali had been in the nurse’s office that day at school and the nurse had pulled out ice cube trays and popped out a few for a scrapped knee. Ali was in awe – we had an ice maker so she had never seen a tray of ice before and was totally enamored.

My step sister told me recently that her daughter asked to listen to the radio – when she put on XM radio, Madi said “no mom, like the real radio. Can we listen to the real radio sometime?”.

This past weekend it was my turn. At a friend’s house for a party, Bay and I went to the bathroom to wash hands. While in there she stared at the shower curtain. She gently pulled it back and said “Oh neat! The bath tub!”. I didn’t get it at first, but I guess she’s never really seen a bathtub with a curtain pulled across it. Oh how fascinating the world is when you’re two.

It Pays to Pay Attention

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Ugh. Bay’s crud has finally attacked my immune system and won. I used to put up a fierce fight when I would feel the first signs of illness coming on – lots of rest, running it out, extreme mental denial of any illness, etc. However, because my two year old now hangs out with other two year olds at preschool a few half days a week, she comes home with every illness imaginable. Because despite her classroom being very clean and constant hand washing throughout her day, preschool = cesspool. Therefore I no longer fight it. At the first sign of a tickle in my throat, I down my usual cocktail of vitamin C, Mucinex D, Zyrtec and sometimes and Advil for good measure.

After a rough night’s sleep due to a scratch throat and PW’s scratchy throat and Baylor’s scratchy throat, I was a little more sleep deprived than usual. I realized my normal morning routine was a little scattered and I couldn’t quite put my finger on what came next on the priority list. Despite my general fuzziness, we made it out the door on time.

I dropped B off and stood for a few minutes watching her interact with her buddies – they were all hanging on the playground fence laughing and waving at a car parked with two dogs inside. It always cracks me up to see what she’s doing when she doesn’t know I’m looking.

I walked to the car making mental notes to remember to bring money at pick up for the pancake breakfast, to make a note about what I had signed up to bring for the Valentine’s party and which errand I needed to get done first. I pushed the button on my keys, heard the tell tale “beep beep” of an unlocked car, opened the door and started to swing into my seat when I realized something was weird…why are my seats tan and not gray? At that point a voice from the back door said “good morning”. I looked back to see a mom pulling her kiddo out of his car seat on the passenger side. It was then I realized I had just attempted to get into someone else’s car.

Thank God the mom clearly had a sense of humor and or empathy that she didn’t scream but rather just laughed and said “same car??”. And thank goodness I had at least attempted to get into a car that was exactly like my own (there are 4 white SUVs of the same make and model at B’s school – I counted) and not one that was completely different. I proceeded to get into the correct car and drive straight to Starbucks for an extra shot of caffeine to hopefully wake myself up a little.

While retelling the story to my friend and neighbor, a mom of three, she informed me that she too had done the same thing a few years ago. So at least I’m not alone in my airheadedness. Which means I’ll have friends when PW finally checks me into the funny farm.

Amen, Sister

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One of my best friends Chrissy sent me an article yesterday – really she tagged me on facebook with the caption “Carry on Warrior” Wisch Wand, you’re going to love this”. And in true friend-who-knows-you-all-to-well form, I did.

The article is pretty much the premise of The Goon Room: sometimes being a parent is just downright gross. And annoying. And exhausting. And not fun. It talks about those annoying people who stop you in the grocery store and tell you to be sure to cherish every moment – and they are usually telling you this on a day when you’ve not had a shower, slept a collective 3 hours, your baby is screaming while simultaneously spitting up on you…again.

The tag line of the article is “Carpe Diem!!!” – or seize the day to you and me. The article is hilarious, truthful and sweet – I love how this momma is able to laugh at the gross stuff, shrug off “failures” and focus on the small wins. This is the kind of mom I strive to be.

I’m also going to start yelling “CARPE DIEM!!” instead of “WHY IS NO ONE LISTENING TO ME???”. Mostly because I think thinking about how I want to remember every moment of Baylor being a child – even the annoying ones – will make me chuckle.

Here’s the article:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/dont-carpe-diem_b_1206346.html

Legit Carding

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I cruised through Costco yesterday before picking Ms.B up from school to pick up a few warehouse store essentials. At the register, the clerk asked me for my ID – I ran into a classmate from high school and didn’t quite catch the reason they asked me – I assumed it was for my credit card. I then realized he was punching my birth date into the computer…I just got carded?

I chalked it up to the guy being young…but then realized he was probably mid forties – not so young that he thinks everyone is over thirty but not so old that he would assume I was a young whipper snapper. I also realized that for the first time in a long time, my cart did not consist of diapers, wipes or some other baby specific thing. Usually the wine rolling around with the formula is a dead give away that my under age days are long behind me. Not to mention the deep, dark circle under my eyes that are so bad, there’s no way they came from just one night of partying – they are hard core “I don’t sleep because my kid won’t” eyes.

So I seriously was mistaken for being UNDER 21 years of age. Note to self: dry hair each morning, Kate Spade sunglasses were a good investment and buy more of whatever Bobbi Brown is selling because apparently it’s working. Or at least it’s working with the Costco crowd. Either way, I’ll take it.

(Almost) ManCave

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PW dreams of the day when we will own a home that has enough space for him to have his own office where he can hang whatever dead animal on the wall that he wants, watch ESPN all the time and smoke cigars. Until then, he’ll have to make due with his newest creation; the outdoor TV:

I bought this armoire at a neighbor’s yard sale like 3 years ago. I had no idea what I was going to do with it, but I knew I had to have it. I envisioned it on the patio full of pots of succulents – the pots never materialized, but three years in the elements gave it an awesome finish.

The finished product looks a little rough, but it wasn’t quite finished when I snapped this pic. I’m planning to put some pots around it to add a little greenery – right now you stare at the gas main and the grill (which PW thinks is AWESOME, because what man doesn’t like staring at his grill?). But unlike the succulents, a pot with a vine trailing over the side of the armoire is GOING TO HAPPEN.

I have to say, it is pretty cool. Peter also got to show off his manly man skills by removing the two shelves from the cabinet, sanding the inside to make the paint a little more even and then reusing the shelves to make a box to set the TV on. To say he is thrilled with his creation is an understatement. If it hadn’t started raining Sunday afternoon, he would probably still be out there. I think it’s greatness has yet to be realized but it’s coming during March Maddness. A little sun tan, a little beer and no waiting for a table at a sports bar? Priceless.

Creative Weeding

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We live on a great street. We have lots of neighbors with kids and we are friends with a good 80% of our street. Like sit on the patio and have a cocktail, come by for dinner, can you watch my kids for an hour, here’s my spare key kind of friends. It’s awesome.

Friday night, Melissa came by with several bottles of wine (if she ever leaves the wine business, there will be tears). We cracked a bottle and sat on the patio while dinner cooked. I told her about our neighbor to the West kids “borrowing”  neighbor to the East’s scooter. In their defense, the scooter was in the front yard. Now, we’re talking all kids involved are 3 years old and younger. Nothing malicious, but there was confusion about where it had gone and why there was a new toy in the garage.

I joked to Melissa that she was safe since she wouldn’t have any toys in her front yard. She thoughtfully sipped her wine before responding: “Do you think if I tied Smarties to the weeds in my grass, they would steal those?”.

I’m pretty sure we woke up the sticky fingered toddlers laughing.

Zyrtec Anonymous

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I have been taking the allergy medicine Zyrtec for literally 8 months. When stuff is blooming or blowing around or just plain growing, I get a dizzy headache from it. And let me tell you what fun it is to take care of a two-year old who thinks being dizzy is super fun…

I am not one for medication so I decided I would try an experiment. If I stopped taking it, would I get a headache? Nope! I felt great! I sound like a schizophrenic who decides they feel so good with their meds, they don’t need them any more…any way that was about 3 days ago. Two days ago I was running with Bay to the park and got a crazy itching attack. My arms and back itched like mad! I figured it was something in the air because it seemed to dissipate when I got home.

Then yesterday, my sister Ali noticed I had drawn blood on my shoulder I had itched it so hard. I was like the crazy crackhead from the Chappell Show.  I don’t remembering itching that bad since right after Baylor was born and I had a reaction to some medication – in the video of her in the hospital, I can be seen the background scratching all over and asking PW to repeatedly scratch my feet since I couldn’t quite get to them.

I honestly thought I somehow developed an allergy to our laundry detergent. I changed shirts, slapped on anti itch cream and tried to ignore the incessant need to scratch…and then gave up and popped a Zyrtec convinced something in the air was bugging me. And predictably, the itching stopped. I decided it was time to Google “Zyrtec itchy arms” and I kid you not, like 20+ forums popped up all with people complaining of Zyrtec itching withdrawal. Apparently the company doesn’t list this as a side effect (convenient) however tons of people agree that after taking the medicine for a long time, it makes you itch like mad while you’re coming down off the stuff.

So apparently instead of detox poncho, I’m going to have to get the oven mitt version so I don’t scar myself…

Probably

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There are a few words whose meaning is a little lost on Bay. One of these words is probably. Much like Joey on Friends could never figure out how to use air quotes, Bay uses probably all the time, but rarely the right way. It makes for some pretty funny conversations.

As I walked into B’s room one morning long before the sun was up, this is the chat we had:

“Morning munchkin – you’re up a little early”

“Hi Mommy. I probably awake.”

“Yeah, I got that one kiddo.”

“I probably can’t sleep any more.”

“Ok ok, I give, let’s get some breakfast.”

“I probably want some eggs, please.”

Such a crack up – even at such an ugly hour!