Tag: funny

Adult ADD

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Sometimes I think I’m loosing my mind. Other times, I’m sure of it. But mostly I think I have too many things on my to do list and my brain can’t focus and or keep track of all the items. I am a big list maker, to the point of insanity, and yet all the lists (work and in general. House and kid. To do today and to do this week and to do this year. Grocery, mall, Lowes, Target. It’s a sickness) and a blinding number of hot pink post it notes are not enough. I get to a room and forget what I came for – or get distracted from the reason I went there in the first place and complete 6 other tasks before getting back to the original.  Here’s an example:

I put Baylie down for her nap and walk past her high chair on the way to the office. I remember that her high chair is scary dirty and in need of a bleach spray down and a hosing off outside. I head to the laundry room to get the spray and I’m immediately distracted by the mop soaking in bleach water (yes, I like bleach) and proceed to rinse it. Then I notice the washer is done so I flip the wash to the dryer and take what’s in the dryer out. I see it’s my reusable grocery bags and set out to return them to my car. On my way back from the garage, I notice my new strawberry plants are looking a little wilted so I stop and water them, the lettuce, roses, petunias and catch a few other plants as our sprinkler system is on the fritz and I have no idea if Angel the yard guy actually fixed it yet. I go back in side to text Angel to see what the verdict is and in the process, notice how dirty Baylor’s high chair is. So I head to the laundry room for some bleach spray….

And thus the vicious cycle continues until either the kid wakes up or I actually get to throw away a few post it notes. Blog? DONE!

Sock Gnomes

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Apparently the way to beat a sock gnome is with patience. Much like a two-year old who won’t got to sleep, it turns out the little buggers will give in if you wait them out long enough.

What is a sock gnome? An SG is an invisible, tiny creature that steals socks. Not pairs of sock, but one sock at a time.

After folding copious amounts of laundry, I’m usually left with one or two socks without mates. I leave them in the bottom of the laundry basket as their buddy, who was probably stuck under the hamper, didn’t make into the hamper, was captive in Baylie’s bag or has been stuck in the arm of a shirt, will usually show up in the next load.

It dawned on me a few weeks ago that the number of single socks in the basket were multiplying. To the tune of 8 socks with no mates. I decided I would wait a week and if their twin didn’t show up, they were gonners. When the time came to make good on my proclamation, I couldn’t do it. So there the lonely socks sat…until this week.

As I was pulling yet another load of whites out of the dryer, I noted a sock that I was certain came from the sad sock collection. And then another one fell out – same thing. Sure that I had accidentally washed the mate-less bunch, I dug to the bottom of the basket. Much to my surprise, I found all the singles were still there. THEIR MATES HAD MAGICALLY RETURNED! As I matched the friends up, I noted that the prodigal socks were a little worse for the wear. They were all a little faded and a little stretched. Perhaps the sock gnomes only have one foot and therefore only need one sock? And the like to sit in the sun wearing their sock?

So the moral of the story is this; sock gnomes are annoying, albeit impatient little creeps. Wait them out and your feet will once again be covered in matching footwear.

What’s in Baylie’s Bag? – 3rd Eddition

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This week Bay’s bag of choice  was my big beach tote. She could easily fit inside it if she wanted and it takes her two little baby man hands plus a lot of strength to carry it around, but she loves it.

Contents:

A hat

Her sandals

A bottle of lotion

Butt Paste diaper rash cream

A ziploc bag

Her Mini Mouse purse – she needs a bag to carry all her bags!

Play food ice cream and cookies

Rasins

A bowl of Goldfish crackers

Her Barbie cup

The box from a new bottle of Benadryl

Her “goggles” – she think because her sun glasses have a strap that they are goggles

Her business card that daddy made. It reads:

Baylor E. Wand

BaP (Big Girl at Play)

Available for Bar Mitzvahs, Weddings, Parties and Funerals

 

 

What’s in Baylie’s Bag? – 2 Edition

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This is the second edition of “What’s in Baylie’s Bag?”. In case you missed the first, I am documenting  the crazy things that Ms.B likes to carry around with her in an edition posted each week.

This week, Bay chose the baby buggy that once belonged to her Aunt Ali and myself as her method of transportation of her treasure. The contents? Why Barbies, of course.

Contents:

Peter Rabbit themed Barbie

Bath Tub Barbie

Barbie brush

A bowl that once contained Goldfish crackers that were most likely stealthily eaten by Bear T. Dog – now containing a play food ice cream cone

A wiffle ball

The instructions to her Peg Play game which she opens and pretends to read by saying “read read read”. Also a few pegs and the strings from the game

The bathing suit and towel costume from her new and very much loved Build-A-Bear brand “Kat”. We can’t be normal and just build a bear, we build cats

UofA Wildcat puppet – BEARDOWN!!!

Rules Based on Fiction

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One of the many benefits of living in Scottsdale Arizona is spring training. That magical time of year when the boys of summer practice America’s Favorite Past Time less than a mile from our house. There are few things that I think are close to what heaven is like – but sitting in the sun, watching a game and drinking a beer is one of them.

I’ve noticed the following occurance before, but never asked why until this season. At most spring training stadiums when a beer, soda or water is purchased, the consessions employee removes the top and then hands the customer the bottle. If asked for the cap, the employee will refuse to give it to the customer.

This may not seem like a big deal, but if I buy a beer and a bottle of water, I really want the water for later and without the cap I risk knocking over the bottle and spilling the water. Which is a very likely scenario. So this makes the whole no cap business pretty annoying. And if it possibly involves possibly spilling my beer, down right scarry.

I asked a concession worker who looked to be about twelve years old why I couldn’t have the cap. He launched into a tirade about how they can’t give the caps because people fill the empty or nearly empty bottles with dirt, seal them with a cap and then launch the dirt bottles at the players. And before I could say “couldn’t they do that anyway without the cap?!” he anticipated my question by saying “and no, it wouldn’t work without the cap so that’s why we don’t give the caps”.

Peter and I promptly decided this was crap and proceeded to the next beer stand – for research of course – and got the same response. As we sipped our beers we were flooded with questions; where do you get the dirt to put in the bottle? If you made a mud mixture, you wouldn’t really need a cap, right? Even if the bottle didn’t have a cap, wouldn’t it still hurt to get hit with a partially filled bottle? Couldn’t you use something other than a cap? Like gum to seal the bottle? And on and on. We were obsessed. Who and where had this horrible atrocity occured thus ruining the containment of liquids for everyone? And was the damage so bad that the entire major leauge got together to make this a rule? Should they ban bottles of every kind? What about peanut bags filled with dirt? Or peanuts? What about hotdogs filled with dirt? The last few may have been the beer talking.

As we walked into the Cubs v Dodgers game on Sunday, we were solicited by a man selling frozen water bottles outside the stadium. His sign said that if you leave the bottle caps sealed, you can take them into the stadium and they were a third of the price than those sold in the stadium. So we bought and sure enough, the ticket takers were more interested in my bag than anything else. So we had done it. We had gotten bottles WITH CAPS into the stadium.

Now, to find some dirt.

What’s in Baylie’s Bag?

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I’m starting a new weekly post called “What’s in Baylie’s Bag?”. Since Bay has been able to carry a grocery bag, a beach bag, a shopping bag, a bucket, a bag made for kids or a purse, she has filled it with various items from around the house. She will carry said bag around to various locations, unload some or all of the contents, reload and then move on.  At some point I end up emptying said bag to either clean up the house or if something important has gone missing – a phone, the remote or a shoe – it’s almost guaranteed to be in Baylie’s bag. The contents never fail to make me laugh – it cracks me up to see what she’s found to be important enough to carry around with her. So I laid out her treasures and took a picture. Here’s what was in this week’s REI shopping bag:

Contents:

Barbie

Barbie’s brush

2 pacifiers

Play food cookies and 2 bottles of soda

Nesting cups

A head band

Her UofA hat

Boo boo bunny

A hair tie

Star shaped sunglasses

Swim goggles