The DD

I have a theory about being pregnant and those around me drinking. My theory is this: I obviously can’t drink, so why wouldn’t I be the designated driver? And why wouldn’t I be the DD for as many friends as possible? Really, just because I can’t enjoy many many many glasses of wine, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t and have someone to drive you home safely and mostly for free.

I say mostly not because I would charge people for my taxi services – I learned my lesson charging for driving servicse one night in college. My parent’s asked me if I would drive them and their friends to and from dinner. I agreed, but for a price. And because my mother is far more devious than I am,  they made me wear a chauffeur hat, all sat in the back seats and instructed me to “not turn around”. Major backfire.

I wouldn’t volunteer to drive and then collect actual dollar bills…I say mostly because I do expect reciprocity. And I do keep track. If I drive a group of friends to dinner as the DD, in about 5-6 months, I will be calling them to go to dinner and I will expect them to drive, no questions asked.

PW gets the worst of it. And this time around he’s much more aware of his tab. With Baylor, my sobriety lasted a little longer than the standard gestation of a baby for breast feeding, severe sleep deprivation and because it took awhile to get back into my skinny jeans and my drinking shoes (who’s a lightweight? me!). Therefore his tenure as non negotiable designated driver lasted close to a year. Which is why this time, he is keeping a much closer eye on his tally.

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Things One Should Never Say to a Pregnant Lady (and my responses)

“OH! Don’t you LOVE being pregnant??”

~While the end result is worth it, no, pregnancy is not top on my list of awesome things to do. Weeks of feeling like everything, including my hairstyle, is going to make me throw up – no wine – uncomfortable belly – yeah, it’s a real thrill ride.

“Get lots of sleep while you can!”

~First of all, shut up. Second, I’m what you call a belly sleeper and do you know what you can’t do when you’re pregnant? That’s right, sleep on your stomach. I spend all night thinking about how I could totally be asleep if I could just get a few minutes on my anterior.

“You look so tiny? Are you sure the baby is ok?” This is an actual question someone asked me with Baylor

~What in the world would make you feel that that was an appropriate question to ask?? Your head looks a little deformed, is everything ok with your brain?

“You don’t really look pregnant, you just look like you have a belly.”

~This is a quote from my mother. When I responded with “is that some kind of complement?? Gee, you don’t look pregnant, just fat!!” she fell apart laughing realizing how horrible it sounded and then admitted, yes, that was what she meant. Thank goodness I share her sick sense of humor.