Dear Costco

Along the lines of my Dear Cashier post from this week, Lindsey at SMB hit the nail on the head with this post! As well written and true as her article is, it’s the comments on her post that blew me away. “You should hire a sitter if you’re unable to perform simple tasks with your children present” was the first negative comment and it went on from there. As a former retail employee myself, I can say that her assessment of this person’s life is probably accurate – or at least some of the time. But I think the bottom line is this, the guy’s job is to be helpful and he wasn’t and that’s not ok. It is hard to be a parent and it’s really hard to accomplish a simple task like a Costco run with one kid, let alone two with one in the baby Bjorn. Trying to keep everyone happy, quiet,  from running away or being stolen is a job in itself – add lifting heavy objects a good foot from your body is damn near impossible.

PS – what the hell is wrong with people?!

Check out Lindsey’s post on Scottsdale Moms Blog and if you agree with me, let Lindsey know!

Dear Cashier

Dear Cashier,

First, lets talk about what your job requirement ARE: greeting customers, ringing up sales, making change, bagging items and occasionally smiling at a customer.

Second, lets talk about what your job requirement IS NOT: commenting on customer purchases would be one amongst others I’m sure….

Now, that said, lets address the later. Yes, I am buying probiotics for my baby. Yes, it is a small bottle. Yes, he does have colic. Yes, it is quite expensive for such a small bottle. No, he doesn’t sleep very well. That’s very interesting that when you had children SIXTY YEARS AGO that you just toughed it out when your baby was colicy.

So now that you’ve gotten to offer your opinion, I think it’s only fair that you listen to my opinion: your opinion is not valid in this transaction. Please stop talking, ring the item and hand my receipt. Oh, and try to act like and adult when I say this to you rather than a petulant three year old. I already have one of those.

 

Sincerely,

Beth

Down for the Count

Strep Throat: 3   Wands: 0 (well technically 1)

Apparently babies don’t get strep throat, which is a serious blessing. The sneaky preschool super bug took out Baylor two weeks ago, me on Friday and Peter on Monday. And it was the super fun kind of strep throat that comes with vomiting – yeah us!  Thankfully the doctor handed over the antibiotics before I had to give my “I have a 7 week old, a 3 year old, a job, 17 people coming for Thanksgiving and I’m asking you for Amoxicilin, not Oxycotton for the love of God…” so I’m feeling much more human today. Fingers crossed for a healthy house by Thanksgiving!

Spelling Lessons

Apparently I used the wrong version of counsel when writing an email to Peter and my mom this week. This morning I got a post it note on my desk:

I thanked Captain Spelling and then went back about my business. He then proceeded to make fun of my spelling abilities, which, he has known for the last 13 years are less than stellar. I told him that the way I would remember the difference between council and counsel is that the S in legal counsel is for shithead.

That was enough to make Captain Spelling retreat from the office. And gave me an excellent pneumonic device for remembering the difference between the two words.

Buyer Beware

Last Sunday we headed out for our annual trip to Montana. We go to the (step) family’s ranch, Hubbard’s Yellowstone Lodge to ride horses, fly fish, hike, row a boat, eat, drink, watch B run around with her cousins and spend lots of time with my mom. It’s not a relaxing read a book on the beach vacation, it’s an action packed, fun filled whirlwind of a trip. And it is awesome.

For the second time, we flew out of William’s Gateway Airport on Allegiant Air. It’s a relatively new airline at an airport that has only recently become commercial. It’s much further than the main Phoenix airport, but we can fly direct to Bozeman and it’s a much better price than the major airlines. On this trip, we learned that discount airlines means more than limited flight times, paying for bags and seat choices, but it also means that when there’s a problem, you’re shit of luck.

Here’s a timeline of the events of last Sunday:

3:30pm – we get three bags checked, three carry ons, a car seat and a three year old through security with only one bathroom break and one change of clothes. Yes, 5 minutes into the trip, B has a minor accident. I should have recognized it as an omen.

4:00pm – flight to Colorado Springs is moved to our gate. Plane is loaded and takes off.

4:30pm – our scheduled departure time. However we are not on a plane because there is no plane.

4:45pm – a person who looks like they work for the airline cruises through the terminal. 25 passengers tackle him and ask why the board is still reading “on time”.

4:50pm – announcement is made that the flight is delayed until 8:30pm. Airline / airport employee promptly disappears.

8:20pm – no plane.

8:30pm – no plane and no personal.

8:45pm – I march to the other terminal, nab a counter agent and demand answers at our gate. Snivley little weasel waltzes to our gate where he informs everyone that he doesn’t know what’s going on. Why? Because he doesn’t work for Allegiant. In fact, no one works for Allegiant  in the airport. Allegiant employees work on the plans only, not in the airport. If we want answers, we have to go on line or call the customer service number.

8:50pm – security is called due to the amount of irate travelers.

9:00pm – announcement is made that the flight is now delayed until 10pm. Oh, and there was no plane coming at 8:30. They just told us that (seriously. That’s what they said).

9:15pm – another mom hosts a dance party for all the kids at the gate. I start crying at the thought that we might miss our vacation.

10:00pm – no plane.

10:15pm – delay moved to 10:30pm.

10:20pm – announcement that a flight has arrived and they are giving us the plane. 100 people rush to pack up and run to the neighboring terminal where we stand and wait.

10:45pm – plane is finally boarded and we are headed out.

2:00am – we arrive in Bozeman and the lovely, lovely people at Hertz rent a car are there waiting with our car.

*4:00am* – our tires hit the familiar dirt of Tom Miner Creek Road.

Lessons learned:

– we have a really, really, amazing kiddo. She never once cried, melted down or acted out. She was sweet, cooperative and a trooper. She smiled until she fell asleep on the plane, the car and finally in her pack n’play.

– check the incoming flight arrival time. If the plane you are supposed to take is late, you are going to be late too.

– over packing is essential when traveling with a munchkin. I wouldn’t let her play with her Minnie Mouse backpack leading up to the trip because I was loading it with new goodies. Little figurines, markers, coloring books, magnet boards, fun headphones, Goldfish, fruit snacks, suckers…a thousand things that might entertain her and every one of them came in handy!

– humanity is not all bad. I was shocked at how nice the other passengers were, especially to two wheelchair bound older ladies. I thought they were traveling with a group, but it turns out the people helping them were just kind strangers who offered to buy them dinner, a soda, walk to the bathroom or stretch their legs. Parents shared toys, snacks and entertainment with other kiddos. The same mom that hosted the dance party also set up their Ipad with a movie for all who wanted to watch. When the gate attendant announced that priority boarders would go first and then passengers with medical needs and parents, the crowd of exhausted passengers unanimously yelled back to take the two older ladies and the parents first.

– The entire time we waited I was drafting a scathing post in my head. I am decidedly NOT thrilled with how the situation was handled by Allegiant . But I can say that at least they did fly (they only fly twice a week to each destination – if we missed our Sunday flight, the next one wouldn’t have been until Thursday) even though it was horribly late.

– Allegiant has a lot of work to do to handle their customer service better (two phone calls later and there is no compensation offered. No discount, no free ticket, no nothing) including having gate agents who know what the hell is going on. So if you are going to be flying with them, check the flight info, have the customer service number in your phone and bring lots of entertainment!

Despite our freakishly late arrival, we had a great trip! And I have the nearly 200 pictures to prove it.

Circus Overloadus

Ho.Ly. Cats. I’m even too wiped out to write this post so I’m going to do it in bullet points:

-3 is too young to take your child to the circus. Unless they are totally ADD and enjoy a freakish amount of senory stimulation.

-30 is too old to go to the circus. Unless you are deaf and mostly blind and or enjoy a freakish amount of sensory stimulation.

-Circus animals are by far some of the meanest, most unhappy looking animals I’ve ever seen. I was pretty sure the lion “tamer” was a gonner as each time he walked by one of them, they took a swipe. The horses looked like they were ready to bite and or buck their riders while they were mid pyramid stand.  Perhaps PETA is onto something..

-Why the hell is the circus so long?! We bailed out early after B found my purse more interesting than the acrobats at around an hour and fifteen minutes. We went to lunch with PW, bathroom and then a 2 block walk to the car and the thing STILL WASN’T OVER.

-How does anyone decide they are going to work for the circus? Are there try outs? And what do those job applications look like? Like how do they know they need motorcycle riders that drive on a tight rope with two acrobats hanging beneath them?! Do you have to own your own bubble looking apparatus to hang from and gyrate out of?

-When did it all get so theme-y? Can’t they just have some animals and some fun tricks? Why does there have to be a dragon? And a dragon hunt? I thought circus was a theme.

-Lastly, are the ticket prices so freaking expensive because of all the OSHA requirements? Because my ticket prices were not worth what we saw.

-Lesson learned: no more circus visits until B is at least 10 or unless someone else is taking her. And footing the bill.

Total Eclipse of the Mind

I love all things celestial. I like constellations, shooting stars, meteors, planets, eclipses – if it’s happening in the sky, I’m in.

Last week the news was all about the  upcoming solar eclipse. It’s the first time it’s been visible in Arizona in 18 years. And you know what? I know exactly where I was for the last one. I was 11 and it was summer. Our awesome summer babysitter, Kim, had taken Ali and I downtown to a small festival all about the eclipse. There were tons of instruments and fun eyewear that made it safe to look at the eclipse – I even remember that you could see the shadow of the moon over the sun in the small pin holes in the tent. It was awesome.

So you would think I would have at least made a post it note for the solar eclipse that happened yesterday, yes? You would be wrong. A brutal combination of baby brain and busy weekend left me totally without a reminder to look up. What’s worse is that I knew something was up. I walked out of the office and said to Peter “am I nuts or did it get dark outside in the last 5 minutes?”. Avoiding the obvious answer of “are you really asking me to confirm your sanity?” he agreed, it had gotten darker. I looked out back and concluded that some dark cloud had descended on our house…the light was just so strange. And STILL, nothing. Not even a hint of a reminder went off in my head that the totally amazing eclipse was going on.

It wasn’t until later when I saw Facebook posts about the event that I realized A. I’m an idiot B. there was no dark cloud but rather the moon passing between Earth and the sun causing a shadow on Earth and C. I blew it! I was so bummed. Especially after seeing some of the pics:

Obviously this was taken with a special lens…but STILL. Isn’t it cool?? And to think I was goofing around indoors the entire time. Arg!

Maternity Jorts

I remember being perplexed about this with Baylor, but my animosity towards the designer of maternity clothes has gotten worse this time around. Why the hell do all maternity clothes have bows, cap sleaves, ruffles or all of the above? Why are maternity shorts either of the baggy no shape variety or denim? Why must I dress like a 5 year old OR a redneck? Why doesn’t J.Crew have a maternity line?!

Oh. And don’t get me started on those assholes at Pea In The Pod. Their very nicely cut white shorts are SIXTY DOLLARS. I don’t spend $60 on any one item (ok, face cream. But really, that’s an investment in my future) why the hell would I spend it on shorts that I will wear for MAYBE 1 year total? Those jerks are trying to take advantage of my need for stretching waistlines and decent fabrics.

I mean I get it. I understand that some women want to cover up their arms or are in need of shapeless shorts to cover their posteriors. I was that lady (I tried on my postpartum shorts last week and they fell off while buttoned – Jen the trainer really had her work cut out for her) and there’s a strong possiblity that I’ll be that chick again. However, I have very strong intentions of keeping my sessions with Jen going, running and keeping my cookie cravings to a manageable amount (1 box is not a serving size). That said, until I balloon so the size of, well a balloon, I would like to look decent until the point where I wrap myself in a bed sheet toga style and call it a day.

See what I mean?

Ugh. The frayed cuff is a nice touch.

If I wanted to dress like Mrs. Dugger, I would grow my hair to my butt and move to Arkansas. Until then, no gracias.

Where to start? The pattern? The sleeves?  Bleh.

I guess where you see a need, it makes sense to fill it. I’m over starting a retail store though so if anyone out there is feeling ambitions, lets talk; I’ll design the clothes and the store, you run it and sell stuff – deal? Until then, I’ll be the lady hunting around Target and then running to the tailor to make me a decent wardrobe for the foreseeable future.

Zyrtec Anonymous

I have been taking the allergy medicine Zyrtec for literally 8 months. When stuff is blooming or blowing around or just plain growing, I get a dizzy headache from it. And let me tell you what fun it is to take care of a two-year old who thinks being dizzy is super fun…

I am not one for medication so I decided I would try an experiment. If I stopped taking it, would I get a headache? Nope! I felt great! I sound like a schizophrenic who decides they feel so good with their meds, they don’t need them any more…any way that was about 3 days ago. Two days ago I was running with Bay to the park and got a crazy itching attack. My arms and back itched like mad! I figured it was something in the air because it seemed to dissipate when I got home.

Then yesterday, my sister Ali noticed I had drawn blood on my shoulder I had itched it so hard. I was like the crazy crackhead from the Chappell Show.  I don’t remembering itching that bad since right after Baylor was born and I had a reaction to some medication – in the video of her in the hospital, I can be seen the background scratching all over and asking PW to repeatedly scratch my feet since I couldn’t quite get to them.

I honestly thought I somehow developed an allergy to our laundry detergent. I changed shirts, slapped on anti itch cream and tried to ignore the incessant need to scratch…and then gave up and popped a Zyrtec convinced something in the air was bugging me. And predictably, the itching stopped. I decided it was time to Google “Zyrtec itchy arms” and I kid you not, like 20+ forums popped up all with people complaining of Zyrtec itching withdrawal. Apparently the company doesn’t list this as a side effect (convenient) however tons of people agree that after taking the medicine for a long time, it makes you itch like mad while you’re coming down off the stuff.

So apparently instead of detox poncho, I’m going to have to get the oven mitt version so I don’t scar myself…

Black Friday Freaks

I will never, ever, ever understand people who love to shop on Black Friday.

As an employee of the retail world on several levels and for many years, I have worked more BF’s than I care to mention. I have seen the hordes of crazy shoppers and tried to meet their requests all while having sales numbers pounded over my head by corporate. It is, in fact, horrible.

I know, I know. Good deals, blah blah blah, great bargains, blah blah blah, amazing prices, blah blah blah. None of those reasons are good enough for me. I was thinking about it…and the only way I would go shop at midnight – on Black Friday (or any day at midnight for that matter) -would be if ALL of my Christmas gifts were at one store and they were all 50% + off retail price. That’s it. I’m not getting out of my warm, cozy bed to go browse items that I may or may not want on the 20% off rack.

It’s going to take some pretty tough convincing. But if you have any amazing reasons why shopping on BF is worth it, then let me hear it. Otherwise, I stay cynical, bitter and with online shopping…