Dear APS….

Dear Arizona Public Service,

I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed ALL the advertising that I was subjected to at the Diamondbacks v Cubs game on Friday night. Not only do I think a new logo was totally appropriate, I think the constant and unrelenting marketing was absolutely necessary. Because there’s nothing that I love more that forking over my daughter’s college fund to cool our home to a mear 81 degrees inside while the temperatures outside reach 115. Because I have a choice on which electric company I choose…OH WAIT. No, no I don’t. I don’t get to choose which electric company I want to hand over my hard earned money to – so the fact that you’re using said hard earned dollars to put your new and no-very-exciting logo right next to  the batter’s name and stats is TOTALLY UNNECESSARY. Why would you avertise when your customers don’t actually get to choooose you as a provider?? Are you just rubbing this fact in my face?? Why on earth would you need to advertise to a public that has no choice but to pay your astronomical prices?!

Just wait APS. Juuust wait. I’m going to get solar panels some day and when you have to send me a check rather than the other way around, I’m going to take out an ad at Chase Field that says “EAT IT APS. KISSES, BETH”.

Sir, We GET IT

We live near a large park and in general have very active neighbors. I tend to see the same people out often in about a 1 mile radius around our house and especially jogging on the canal. I’ve noticed lately that I have seen the same guy running all over the place; near the mall, near the grocery, at the park, etc.

The reason I notice him is not for the reasons I think he would want to be noticed for. First, he always wears a beanie. It can be 60 degrees or 100+ and the guy always has on a beanie. Second, he’s never wearing a shirt. Third, he wears cargo shorts. And lastly but certainly not leastly, he has two LARGE Doberman Pincers on a joined leash tied around his waist.

The first time I saw this dude running by my car, my thought was “We get it! You workout! A lot! And you have tough dogs! You want everyone looking at you to think you’re tough too! But the dogs tied to your waist might be a touch overboard!”.

Every time I see him, I can’t help but think about what kind of person he is – because you can’t workout like that and not be a total and complete weirdo. I imagine him to be that guy in the office who is short and bald so he makes up for it by talking loudly and also condescendingly to his coworkers. He drives a BMW, but only makes $30k a year. He wears Ed Hardy shirts (when he does wear a shirt) and  he doesn’t have a conversation without texting on his blackberry.

In short, I hate this guy. It takes great strength to stop my car in front of him, roll down the window and scream “REALLY?!?!”. And on the outside chance someone reading The Goon Room knows Mr.Shirtless Waist Leash guy, do him a favor and give him the link to the blog. And a shirt. And a memo that says “enough already, we GET IT”.