Welcome to the Goon Room! When trying to decide what to name this blog, the one title that really seemed to fit was the Goon Room – as any good Alpha Phi (pronounced “fee”) from the Beta Epsilon chapter will tell you, this is a 6ft by 10ft “room” with two couches that are bigger than love seats but smaller than real couches facing each other. The name comes from the fact that many years prior to the Fall 2000 pledge class’s arrival, the area used to be the top of the stairs where a sister could look down and see if her arriving date was a “goon”. Since a remodel to the house, the room is now a small area where three bedrooms meet. It’s too large to be a landing, too small to be anything else – and thus, the Goon Room.

There is something about this space that makes you talk – sitting silent in the Goon Room was impossible. The conversations that happened in this space were varied. Hopes, dreams, aspirations and where to get a bikini wax. Class, studying techniques and what you were wearing to the date dash. Drama in the house, what was for dinner and who the hell keeps leaving hair in the shower. Because the discussions were from the bizzare to the serious and the deep to the freakishly shallow, there seemed no better name for this blog. I can’t really tell you what The Goon Room Blog is about, but I can tell you that all the posts will have a good dose of humor and probably some with rage (at the moment, I hate tourists) but all with a lot comedy.

So, to kick it off – what do you call yourself  if you hate tourists? If you hate women, you’re a sexist – hate white people, you’re a racist. But the tourist even took away a proper definition for me! I’m not sure what it is about being on vacation that makes them loose all of their common sense. Such as: don’t cross the street in front of a turning car – you may have the right away, however my SUV is going to win. Also, that yellow lane in the middle of the street is for TURNING. Not driving and you don’t have to avoid it – meaning please do not turn left out of a driving lane across the turn lane. Along those lines, do not turn left out of the RIGHT hand non turn lane. I  believe that snow birds and visitors should have to take a driving test and a walking test – if they fail, they have to hire an escort to show them how not to piss off the locals.

If you’re confused about whether the a-hole near you is a tourist, look for these tell-tale signs:

1. A “PERM” sticker where their registration date sticker should be on the license plate – this is a rental car

2. Socks with shorts – they are typically very pale and in need of heavy footwear and high socks while walking the treacherous streets of Old Town.

3. Purse across chest – they tend to carry lots of bags loaded with supplies and native american knock off trinkets. Said bags are placed over the head and one arm so to avoid the rampant purse snatching happening in Old Town. Really, if someone is grabbing your purse, it’s probably a drunk college kid who is falling over and grasping for help.

4. Funny hats and sunburns – tourist tend not to grasp the part about being in a desert and get horribly sunburned during the first days of their trip. They then feel the need to purchase a ridiculous looking hat to wear for the remainder of the trip.

I know, I know, tourism boosts our economy – but do they have to be so nerdy?!

Welcome to the Goon Room. I hope you come back often and that what you read makes you smile. Have a great day!