The Face Book Miracle is when you and a long-lost friend (or frienemy) reconnect on FB – if only for the stalking.

We all have those friends on FB that have the super glamorous (I hear Fergie in my head spelling that out for me) posts on their pages – you know “headed to the gym and then a relaxing spa day!” on a Tuesday.  Or “sat next to Huge Jackman on the plane and now me and the hubs are headed down under for Christmas!”. “Half day at work, massage and then dinner with the ladies at Nobu – taking spring break next week to Hawaii!”. And one of my favorites “Out on the town tonight  looking fabulous, as always!!”.  The only part that makes me happy about these kinds of posts is that they are lies. All of them. No one has this glamorous of a life because if you did, what the hell are you doing on FB?

On the flip side, there are those who always are griping on their FB status. And not funny griping like yours truly, but like bitter angry gripes: “It’s ‘tell your coworkers to go to hell’ day at the office and I am fully participating!” (that’s a paraphrase, but damn close to an actual post I read).  “SOOO exhausted!” when the person has no kids, no husband, no pets and a straight 40 hour a week job – if you can’t figure it out now hon, you never will.

I love the super boring status’ that just state what the person is doing “checking email”, “riding to work”, “eating dinner”. Awesome. Get a Twitter account or something. Or better yet, a new hobby.

There are also the freakishly personal posts. You know the ones that make you a little uncomfortable and you think, why doesn’t this person realize that the ENTIRE WORLD is reading this?? Such as “Walk of shame!” I mean really, we know you’re that kind of girl, we don’t need to read it too. Or “the kids threw up on me and then pooped all over the crib and the dog ate it”. While I sympathize, I have my own issues with a smelly kiddo, I don’t need to read yours in graphic detail. My favorite has been inappropriate pregnancy pictures – there have been more than one offender. Without going into detail, these friends have taken pictures in various states of pregnancy with very little to no clothing AND THEN POSTED THEM. If you want to have those pictures to torture your offspring with, by all means, go nuts. But don’t put them out there for you coworkers, neighbors, grade school, high school and college classmates to see!

The lesson? Think about your in-laws reading your status – if that embarrasses you, think twice. If it doesn’t, you either have a decent status update or you’re a weirdo who has an odd relationship with their in-laws.  Happy Face Booking!