It has become very apparent as our little lady learns to speak that she is a sponge for information and is begining to regurgitate that information more readily. Therefore I have embarked on a mission that I’ve not tried since lent 2007 – stopping swearing.

It’s a terrible habit and something I should have gotten rid of a long time ago. But I’ve found over the years that swearing allows just that little bit of stress relief so desperatley needed. However, I feel that Baylie’s teachers are really going to frown on the fact that she drops an F-bomb after realizing she colored outside of the lines.

My quest to stop the bad language became a higher priority after I caught her running away with my cell phone and I’m pretty sure she said “sh*t” when I caught her.

I’ve started to replace some of the more popular words in my vocabulary with funny, non offensive alternatives. For example, we don’t say the f word any more. Instead we say Fred Mertz – as in Lucy’s best friend Ethel’s husband and neighbor from I Love Lucy. So instead of saying “F*ck that hurt!” when brutally pinching the soft underside of my arm while taking down the baby gate, I say “Fred Mertz that hurts!”. The first time Peter heard me say it, he questioned who the hell Fred is, which makes me laugh and thus solving the swearing and also easing they pain of the huge purple bruise on my arm.

In a similar fashion, we also no longer use the S word, but rather I try to say “Shamalamadingdong”. Which, much like saying “Fred Mertz” reminds me of the scene in Animal  House where the guys take their dates to the sketchy bar were Otis Day and The Knights are singing  Shamalama. This visual always makes me laugh and starts a stream of movie quotes:

Bluto: Over? Did you say “over”? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
Otter: Germans?
Boon: Forget it, he’s rolling.

So, if you have any other replacements for the more colorful words in our language, be sure to let me know!