Category: Rants

Croupy Kiddo

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We’ve been hit with the croup. B came home early from preschool with a fever and then woke up from her nap barking like a puppy – but not in a fun way.

So I reluctantly took her to the doctor. I say reluctantly because she’s still at the super fun “we don’t give medicine other than Tylenol” age so there’s not always a point to handing over the $20 copay. But they do check her oxygen levels so it’s worth it when she’s got a cough. We’re lucky that she is very healthy and had clear lungs, just the inflammation in her trachea. We did walk out with a prescription, which felt like a small victory.

She’s on the mend and the cough has drastically improved. But the lack of sleep all the way around in our house is starting to take its toll. We broke down and let her sleep in bed with us last night – and now I remember why we don’t do that. She’s like sleeping with a badger. Even though she is totally asleep, she kicks, flails, throws punches, headbutts, rolls – God help her when she’s not in a crib any more, we’ll have to make her sleep in a sleeping bag on the floor to prevent injuries from falling out of bed.

I’m praying that we will all sleep well tonight and wake up ready for a busy and fun weekend. Fingers crossed!

Oh! And it’s Scottsdale Moms Blog day. Check out my snazzy bar stool makeover. It would be the perfect chilly weekend project. http://www.scottsdalemomsblog.com/

 

Yes Yes, I GOT IT.

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This year for Halloween, Baylor has been passed down a great (and might I add very well accessorized) costume from her cousin Madi. She is new to Minnie, but she’s becoming a big time fan. The costume has everything, except for the ears. No biggie, right? I’ll just cruise on over to the Disney store at the mall and pick up a pair.

As I stroll into the store, there in the very front are Minnie ears. Except they have a pink bow instead of a red one. Bummer. So I ask the woman behind the desk…here’s how it played out:

“Excuse me. Do you have any Minnie ears with the re-”

“No! We are totally and completely sold out. Totally.”

“Oh. Ok. Thank yo-”

“And every store is sold out too!”

At this point, I’m pissed. I was sad that they didn’t have what I wanted, but to go and really shove it down my throat that they didn’t have it is a little much. And that’s when I get a little snarky..

“Oh. Do you think you could check to see if another store has it?”

“No. I just said that everyone is out.”

“Everyone? Even online? Like there are no more anywhere?? ANYWHERE??”

And that’s when she turned and helped another customer. So much for being the happiest place on earth. And the joke’s on her because I did find them at Party City for $6.99 rather than the $16.00 they charged at the Disney Store!!

This much excitement may mean that it’s time for some vacation….

 

 

When a Door Closes

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There is an old saying that when a door closes, a window opens. That’s true with life, but not in our house.

You see, we remodeled a late 50’s home a few years ago. And what was hip in the  fifty’s (long, rectangular windows) isn’t really hip today. However, the length of all the windows in our house were the exact width of double doors. So everywhere there was a window, there is now a set of french doors. And even where there wasn’t a window, we threw in a few more doors. The result? We have a 10 to 1 ratio of doors to windows. Yup, we only have one window in our entire house.

Normally this is no problem. Having an exit (or several) from each room is actually very comforting to me – you know, for all those pesky home invasions. But during this time of year, we kick ourselves. The weather is so beautiful and cool at night. But we don’t want to sleep with the doors open so we’re forced to close up the house and turn the air conditioning back on every evening.

When I pass the pretty doors with long skinny windows on either side at Lowes, I sigh and think what could have been. We could just have a little window with some fresh air blowing in, but no! We had to have french doors – not doors with windows. Arg.

Dear Weatherman

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Dear Weatherman,

STOP IT. Stop telling me that there is a “cool down” on the way. Stop telling me that there’s “a chance for showers”. Stop saying that “we’ve seen the last of the triple digits!”. Stop saying it because you know they are all lies. Vicious, filthy lies. Every time there is a blessed 80 on the seven-day forecast, it keeps moving. It starts out on Thursday. And the next day it’s not coming until Friday. And on Friday, it’s coming on Monday. And suddenly it’s 105 again and the “cool down is coming!”. I can’t take it anymore!

So until you’re ready to come clean and be honest about the fact that even thought it’s October, it’s still 102 and that’s just the way it is, then I think we need some time apart.

Best,

Beth

Rain Rain….

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You know what is great? When it finally, finally rains. Like a good, soaking rain.

 

You know what is not great? When all of your clean bedding was air drying on the patio. Including the down pillows. And you don’t remember until they have all been soaked by the awesome rain.

 

Laundry? FAIL.

It’s a Good Thing You’re Cute, Kid

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Maybe it’s the heat. Maybe she’s got a molar coming in. Maybe her new-found independence from preschool is being demonstrated at home. Maybe she’s just two but the munchkin is making me crazy this week!

This is an actual conversation that happened this week in the car:

“Baylor. Shoes. Off.”

“No, please leave your shoes on.”

“Shoes. Off. Now.”

“B, we’re almost to the store. Please leave your shoes on.”

minor meltdown and then reluctantly the shoes go back on.

“Yea!! Good listening!!”

“Shoes. Off. Again. Mommy.”

dirty look from the front seat…..

“Yea Baylor!!! I did it! Shoes! On!”

“I think you’re missing the point kid…”

 

That is a nice version of the battles and lessons of the week! If I say yes, she says no. If I say do it, she says no. If I say no, she says yes.  If she gets rewarded for listening well, then she does the bad behavior all over to get the reward. I either need her to move on to the next phase or for it to cool down so she can go out and, as my mom would say, blow the stink off….

The CarCart – Bain of my Existance

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What I want to know is this: who is the asshole who created the car cart at the grocery store?? Because this person should be forced to push this contraption around with them everywhere they go and see what a pain in the ass it is.

First of all, the placement of the car is not helpful. It’s low and in front of the basket which makes it impossible to A. steer and B. see where you’re going. Many an end of aisle display has been damaged by these beasts.

Second, because the actual car part is low to the ground, the kiddo is constantly hanging out a window or the windshield trying to get a better view. Or worse case, she decides it’s more fun to push the cart. Thus making what is already an annoying process, impossible.

Third, the damn things are always filthy. I even asked the manager at Safeway (who is on a first name basis with both Baylor and I because we’re there so much) if they could clean them. He says they sprayed them in bleach and scrubbed and they still look like a herd of pigs stomped through them.

I’ve had to resort to more and more elaborate lies to keep B out of them. The car is out of gas, it’s stuck, it’s broken, it’s only for big kids…the list goes on an on. And then there are days where the lies just don’t work and I give into the persistence. Only to end up pushing the cart with the help of my assistant – which turns a half hour trip into an hour plus. All the while cursing the car cart….

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I have been talking and texting with a friend and former coworker over the past few weeks. She just had her first baby, a sweet little girl.

Our conversations brought me back to when Bay was born. I was a basket case. Between 24 hours of on and off labor, 8 hours of actual labor and an emergency c-section left me wanting for nothing but a glass of wine and a nap. A really really long nap. And yet there was little lady who needed me so completely. My hormones were bonkers. I was sleep deprived (which has never been a good look for me) and overwhelmed by the change and lack of predictability. fortunately I am married to the greatest husband and father ever and he not only talked me off the ledge, he helped me through the wide variety of emotions I was feeling and took a night shift.

All this made me think of why I want to write a book. I think there are so many books, blogs, etc out there full of moms who are glowing from the moment the cord is cut. Moms who are instantly in love with their babies, whose kids sleep “through the night” at a week old and those that breast feed with the greatest of ease. But what about the real side of being a new mom? Why is no one talking about being totally freaked out about the whole thing? About loving this little person, but loving the idea of sleeping for 14 hours juuusstt a little bit more? Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my daughter, but I will be honest  saying that I had a break down when we came home from the hospital because I didn’t love her enough. I felt like I should have been feeling something that I wasn’t feeling.  And how I was afraid to tell people that I was only breast-feeding a little because I was afraid of the judgement and or “tips” from the listener.

Six months after Baylor was born, on Christmas Eve, she slept for 12 hours straight. It is to this day, the best gift I’ve ever had. When I came out of the sleepless haze, I started talking to friends with kids and realized I wasn’t alone in my feelings. Again, I asked; “why isn’t anyone talking about this??”.

Maybe the answer is that even if warned, lectured, schooled, we can’t really know what it’s going to be like until we’re in it. But I still want to know why there aren’t at least warnings – at least beyond “yeah, you’re not going to sleep for awhile”. But maybe it’s the lie that we tell ourselves that makes us go through with it. Like why you even entertain the idea of having a second child – you lie to yourself. “The second will sleep amazing because they have to” or “We know what we’re doing now!!”.

Either way, I think society puts too much pressure on new moms (and on moms in general) to do it all and with clean and blown out hair too. I think it’s time we start standing up and saying “this part really sucks, literally and figuratively and it’s hard!” and cutting each other and ourselves some slack when we can’t do it all every day. I think if we can embrace the days where we don’t get a shower or brush our teeth before 3pm, it will make the days where we say “I did it!” feel so much better.

A few very funny and oh-so-true mom quotes:

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? ~ Milton Berle

Raising a kid is part joy and part guerilla warfare.~ Ed Asner

Any mother could perform the jobs of several air-traffic controllers with ease. – Lisa Alther

What Should You Do? – Follow Up

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A week ago I posted a blog called “What Should You Do?” that was about Baylor being accosted by a three-year old. It describe the little terror’s behavior and also how the parents of the little demon not only didn’t do anything to stop the child, they condoned her behavior. So I asked readers what someone in my position should have done. And as expected, there were some practical responses and a lot of really funny ones.

To start, the incredibly unhelpful response:

Kristin: “I actually can’t believe that you didn’t say anything. You’re getting soft in your old age.” – really, what are friends for if they can’t call you a b*tch on your blog??

 

Next, the somewhat practical comments:

Christiane: “You should have told them that Baylor has pink eye and they had better have their daughter checked out after breakfast!“.  – I would totally use this one. I might switch out pink eye for stomach flu, but the main theme still holds.

Patrick: “For this situation I would recommend looking into two iPhone apps: “Kids Be Gone” and “Teen Torture (aka Teen Hearing Test).” Tell Baylor to plug her ears and let the little brat have it”. -Leave it to the guys to go high-tech. Note to self; teach Baylor “earmuffs”.

Lastly, the totally ridiculous and hilarious:

Kimberly: “You should start rummaging through the parents purses’ to see how they like it….”

Tori: “I’d perform a discrete, under-the-table shin kick to the little brat. That doesn’t sound quite motherly and nurturing does it? Whatever. Bratty times call for bratty measures.”

Charlene: “Hand them a pre-printed card with a fake “manners classes” address and say sweetly, “our daughter used to behave just like that before we took her here.” then smile and walk.” 

In short, thank you all for nothing. This was incredibly unhelpful and yet terribly hilarious. I call it a win!