When I order these bad boys, it will be official that I’ve given up on life.
I had the tv on in the bedroom while putting on makeup this past weekend and heard this infomercial. I thought it was a joke so I leaned into the room to see the screen. Sadly, it is no joke. Coming to a pathetic person near you, the Pajama Jean.
By popular request, a new list of crap that bugs me:
– Anti Meth commercials: They are big right now in Arizona and consist of a recovering addict telling horrible stories of what they did while under the influence of meth. Do they REALLY think there is an addict out there or potential addict saying “wow, that sounds terrible, I better stop this”. My guess is that the addict or potential addict is saying “that won’t be me!!”. I’m not against anti-drug ads, just this one.
– People who think the kids playground equipment is a great place to practice yoga: No sir, you “downward dog” is not at all freaking my child or me out. By all means, continue your creepiness.
– Parents who think their kids are geniuses: I think all parents think their kids are bright, I know I do. But I’m talking about the parents who think their kids are Harvard bound at age 8 months because, and I quote directly from a parent at swim lessons “Tommy is so smart! He made up his own sign language for milk!!”. Tommy is not smart. Tommy is hungry and is doing anything to get your attention and if patting his head is getting your attention, then that’s what he’s doing.
– People who give you a dirty look because you don’t let them go ahead of you: Normally, I will let someone with less groceries in their cart go in front of me. But when the kid is teetering on melt down, my cart is slammed with food and I know we’ve got less than 20 minutes to get home, get cold stuff put away, and get a snack before nap time, I will not be letting you in front of me. Deal with it.
And now for something I am grateful for – good friends! Please check out Stephanie’s blog and enter for a chance to win a beautiful necklace. See the blog for details: http://www.babycross.wordpress.com.
I almost never ask Peter’s permission to write about him the blog. He only finds out after reading the day’s post and then he calls me to comment and then say “and stop writing about me” (ha, as if everything is about him). However, this particular topic was his idea. It is truly a disturbing story. What is more disturbing is that he doesn’t think it’s disturbing which is why he suggested it would make a great post.
My sweet, loving, smart, magna cum laude undergrad, top ten law school educated, cum laude graduate, bills-out-at-$250-an-hour, big firm lawyer husband eats lentil soup out of a can for lunch at least three days a week. Yup. Straight out of a can. No heating it up. No separate bowl. And he informed me that he didn’t want to walk down the hall to find a spoon so he at yesterday’s lunch with a fork. Insult to injury. The only thing worse would be slurping it directly out of the can or a spork. I think he didn’t use that only because he hadn’t been to the indian food restaurant lately and saved his disposable silverware. The really disgusting part is that he likes it. In fact, he chooses to eat it over anything else.
This is doubly disturbing for me, a person who makes a home cooked meal at least five nights a week. I even pack the leftovers in a separate container so he can take it for lunch the next day, free of the hassle of dishing it into a separate tupperware. I even bought him the kind of soup that you can stick in the microwave without having to find a clean, microwave safe bowl and he said it didn’t taste as good.
I fear the day when I’m going to have to tell Baylor that yes, her daddy is a weirdo. But something tells me that she’s probably going to figure this out on her own. What can I say? He was cute in high school (and still is!).
Things that I find extremely annoying:
7. Ratty haired children. Buy some freaking “No More Tears” conditioner, spray or whatever and brush the freaking kids hair.
6. Slow drivers who then speed up to make it through a yellow light leaving you at the red.
5. People who work out with their hair down. I understand if people don’t adhere to my strict “no hair loose even if it means I look like a beast” policy, but really, all your hair down and in your face??
4. Crazy drivers/parkers in the church parking lot. Everyone’s Catholic, until there’s only one “good” spot left.
3. Those stupid stickers people have on their cars with the three letter abbreviations on them. Worse, the ones that are for a destination no one cares about. Example: HUD for Hudson, Ohio.
2. When a Lady Gaga song gets stuck in your head and you can hear it in your sleep. I had to finally give in and just start liking her to make it stop.
1. The lady at the CHILDREN’S park who lets her ugly little dog drink out of the human drinking fountain rather than the dog one (yes, there really is a little doggy drinking fountain). No no, ma’am, I love dog slobber and germs all over the drinking fountain. I don’t get enough of that at home so please, by all means.
I woke up to a phone call with a family member needing some obscure item at 6:30am. This would normally not be a big deal, except today for some reason, Baylie had slept past 6am and through PW leaving for work. And therefore I got to sleep past 6am, that is until the phone rang. The most annoying part? The person clearly knew I was asleep and didn’t say “hey, sorry I woke you up” just rambled on about what she needed and did I have it.
Peter has a big seminar today and left some notes at home so that was the second call at 7am. This shouldn’t have been a big deal, but the kiddo was crabbing in the background looking for more milk/banana/Bear and made it super fun to try to read off notes over the phone. She had also just tried to “help” feed the dogs and dumped an entire cup of food on the floor and in their water bowl.
Lastly, Baylie is teething, again. And because the lovely little tablets that make her less cranky have been recalled, we’re doing this cold turkey. She doesn’t want to eat, but is crabby because she’s hungry. She wants something, but doesn’t know what. She wants your attention so she is grabbing the remote off the counter, my purse off the chair and dumping it, and prank calling random people from my cell phone.
Again, it’s only 7:30am.
I’m hoping that a run to the park and some play time will help. Or at least keep me alive until nap time…
A very novel thought occurred to me the other day: I could just say “no” when asked to do something. Not “I’m soooo sorry, but I have an appointment and I don’t have a sitter for Baylie but please keep me in mind next time you need help, again so so sorry!!”. But rather just a plain and simple “no, I can’t”.
I think it’s funny that this didn’t occur to me before this point – it’s not a novel idea, but it struck me like one. I think when you’re a kid and a teenager and more importantly a young adult, you’re never allowed to say no. You don’t want to be impolite or incorrect or worse, a bitch, so you always give in and say yes. When I had my first and second jobs and my real career, I never said no. And it was that “go getter” attitude that got me where I wanted to go, but I think also the reason I was so burned out when Baylie was born and what spurred me to decided to resign and stay home.
When I can pay taxes, get an umbrella policy on the home I own and give birth to another human being, I can say no to something if I don’t want to do it, consequences be damned. If the other person doesn’t like my answer, oh well. They will either get over it or they won’t and that’s ok by me.
Don’t panic, I haven’t turned over a new, cynical leaf. But I have realized that sometimes for my own sanity I need to back off and not be the “go to” person for all friends, family and everyone else. Peter is laughing at this post right now thinking that this is A. not true and I never say no to anyone but him B. there’s no way I’m going to start saying no to people because it’s not in my vocabulary and C. that I need to stop writing about him in my posts. And he has a point, it’s my nature to be the fixer in most situations. But I’ve learned that there are limits and saying no is something I need to do more – even if it’s just to doing the dishes.
So we left off at our return flight…we flew on Allegient Air out of Mesa Gateway Airport. It’s a new discount airline, but it flies direct to a lot of small towns. Overall, I give the travel an “A”. However, the travel time weighed heavily as there are a lot of little negatives. For example…
To start, you pay for EVERYTHING. Bag? Fee. Want a specific seat? Say, next to your 13 month old? Fee. Want to get on first? Fee. Drink? Fee. Snack? Fee. I’m surprised there wasn’t a credit card slot on the bathroom door – although I didn’t check so maybe there was. Also, they don’t preboard people with kids – not a huge deal, but it is kind of nice to get a chance to gate check the stroller, find your seat, get the car seat strapped in, get the kid strapped in, strap yourself in, you get the picture.
I was calm until it was finally our turn to board and there were people gathered around the seating area waiting for their row – blocking the path to the gate. I had to restrain Peter from violently and “accidentally” bumping a woman out of the way. Why people, why? The plane is not leaving without you and if it was, why would standing directly in front of the gate but 12 feet away stop it?!
We also had 2 flight attendants stop us to check Baylie’s car seat to make sure it was airplane ready – ok, not a problem. But the one on the plane (my mom would describe her as the one they keep chained in the back and only let her out to growl at complainers) loudly and rudely told us that Bay’s seat was “unsafe”. Huh? I have to think even a standard car seat strapped into an airplane seat is going to be marginally safer than her squirming out of a lap belt! She also told us that she couldn’t sit by herself – we had to produce a boarding pass for her to reassure her that we weren’t pilfering an empty seat on an, only partially full mind you, flight. Good think B is such a cutie, they can’t say no to her.
Lastly, who are the people who get up to go to the front (forward?) bathroom before the seatbelt sign is off? Even if you haven’t been on a plane since September 11th, you’d have to think that that kind of action might warrant a negative outcome. So watching the guy argue with the flight attendant got my terrorist radar up (I had my belt ready so Peter could tie him up with it) – but thankfully he was just a dumbass who didn’t get the memo nor the reminder to hit the head prior to boarding.
So, the lesson is – bring a book, don’t shuffle your cards and pay attention to the seatbelt sign and pee before you get on the plane. And travel with a cute kiddo.
I always find it amazing what people find appropriate behavior on a plane. We were just in Montana visiting the fam and I was very anxious about Baylie’s first flight. B is a pretty easy-going kiddo; not much upsets her. But I was worried she would be that kid who just screams the entire time. I packed juice, milk, bottles, snacks, toys, books, her blanket, a favorite stuffed animal, a sweatshirt, the portable DVD player and lots of Baby Einstein (God bless Baby Einstein!) and if all else failed, my keys and cell phone for her entertainment and comfort. It was a ridiculous amount of items. But it paid off – after playing with the cell phone and various other toys, drinking a bottle at take off, and then watching part of a DVD, she passed out until we landed two hours later. Amazing!
In my efforts to keep her happy, I neglected to pack enough entertainment for me. When I used to travel to DC for work, I had an insane fear of running out of reading material (I once played solitaire on my Ipod for 2 hours after finishing my book and magazines – my eyes wouldn’t focus for hours after) so I usually travel with two books plus magazines and an Ipod. However, there is a limit to what two people can carry – a baby (yes, I did contemplate having her wear a backpack), two carry on bags, a jogger and a car seat is PLENTY.
After finishing People magazine, I was out of things to do. The kiddo was happily sleeping and I was ready to sleep too (we started out at 2am, woo! I’ll sleep when I’m dead!) but couldn’t because of the constant sound of someone shuffling cards. Why on earth does anyone think that it is ok to participate in such a loud and annoying activity in a confined public space?! Sure, sure, play cards. But don’t freaking shuffle them for 10 minutes in between hands!
I started looking around checking out fellow passengers to pass the time. I noticed 2 other people just sitting there – no magazine, no book, no bag, no ipod, no annoying cards, no nothing. Not trying to fall asleep, just staring straight ahead. Terrorist? My normal paranoia would lead me to believe so, however, who wants to blow up a regional jet headed to Billings Montana? My guess is no one. So my question is this: what kind of weirdo gets on a plane for 2+ hours and doesn’t bring something to do?! I at least had one magazine that I could go back and like reread or something, so don’t go saying “but you didn’t have anything to do on the plane”. But to bring absolutely nothing?! Weirdo.
The return flight was uneventful as far as the kiddo goes – but the people were just as strange. Stay tuned for part 2 of the Annoying Skies where we discuss the people that line up long before their row number is called and block the way to the gate, the flight attendant who argued that Baylie couldn’t sit in her car seat in her own (PAID FOR) seat because it wasn’t safe (yeah, I was confused to), and the dumbass who gets up before the seatbelt sign is off to use the bathroom and then argues with the flight attendant (all together now: TERRORIST!).
This is not a political blog. I do not want it to be a political blog. I don’t even like politics, they make me want to nap. However, I do feel it necessary to address a few things so that my friends, family and other super smart readers of this blog understand that everyone living in Arizona is not insane. I am, however, being careful not to go on a full rant as I don’t want Sheriff Joe showing up on my front door step for making degrading remarks. I’m sure after my blog on the Terrorist Fund (what?! you didn’t read that one?? well you should!!) that I’m on some FBI watch list for using the “T” word too much…
If you decide at any point in this blog that you disagree with me, lets promise each other a few things: we will stay friends and we will never ever talk politics with each other.
I’m not really sure where to start. It seemed all was pretty ok here in the desert. Sure, we can’t balance the budget, the state is broke and the local economy is tanking, but these are normal things we deal with in a recession. Then all of a sudden, the clock rolled back to 1809 and we’re legalizing concealed weapons, stopping people because they are brown and making the president prove that he was born in America?? Did someone drink canal water or something?
Now, we are gun people. We own guns, we shoot guns, we respect guns. However I’m not sure why the legislature felt the need to legalize concealed weapons. People have always been allowed to have a concealed weapon with a permit – why do we need to throw that out the window? AND you could carry without a permit as long as you could see it. I’ve been to Bass Pro, I’ve seen the tough guys rolling around with a revolver on their hip – just in case some stuff starts to go down.. on a Sunday… in the fly fishing department…in Mesa. As long as the process was working (which it was because we have first hand knowledge of this process) why mess with it? Now we’re going to let any ya-hoo legally carry a gun we can’t see? Sure sure, someone already carries a gun that we can’t see without a permit. But do we really want to take away the ability to arrest a dangerous person for doing so?
I’m ignoring the “Birther Bill”. It’s too stupid to address and it’s embarrassing our state.
Lastly, the Immigration Bill. All I’m going to say is this – how does it not lead to racial profiling? What are the measures that should be used for just cause to stop someone and ask them to prove they are a citizen if you’re not looking at their skin color, language or culture? Is it the type of music they listen to? So if they are playing Kenny Chesney they are legal and if you’re listening to Pitbull you’re not??
Ok, I’ve had my rant. Again, this will most likely be the last time I’ll write something political, but I feel it had to be said. I just had to get the thought in people’s minds that not everyone in AZ agrees with the madness!
And if you disagree – write you’re own blog, but don’t stop reading mine. I have a dream of being Julie and Julia one day 😉
I’ve never fully understood personalized license plates. It always seems like a lot of time and energy to make them funny or even spell them so someone could realize what you were trying to say in 6 letters or less. Some are worth the effort, most are not and some that make absolutely no sense.
The good ones are few and far between – the best example is my neighbor up the street with a Mini Cooper that has a plate that says “XXSML”. Kind of cute, a lot of work for a little bang, but kind of cute. Aaanndd I’m out of good examples.
Our other neighbor has one that says “BIGTED”. Now if you’re me, you are thinking the guy hates minorities, when in reality his name is Ted and he’s of a large stature. This would go in the bad category because somewhere out there someone is going to key his SUV before they realize that the guy’s name is Ted. I saw one a few weeks ago that said “3W1DNA”. I’ll give you a hint, I was in Gilbert and it’s a minivan….give up? It’s triplets – three with one dna. I didn’t say it was good, I was just excited that I figured it out.
There was a car parked down the street from our house last weekend – a bright orange off road looking jeep with no windows. It also had tiger stripes painted on it and “Prozac Racing” sticker on the windshield. Of course, it had a personalized plate. It said “MENTAL”. Like we needed it spelled out for us – the feline stripes weren’t enough of a giveaway, thanks buddy.
My favorite was going to church last weekend. There is a mortuary next door and in the parking lot was a truck with a license plate that said “OBTURY” or Obituary. I find this hilarious. I like that the person dealing with death all day has a sense of humor – as long as he doesn’t decide to make all the dead people smile, I’m good with it.
Lastly, I saw a relatively reasonably priced sports car last week with a plate that said “XPNSVE”. Actually, you’re car is not expensive, so what is expensive? Your bad extensions? The cost to buy you a decent sense of humor? Or your hourly rates? Please clarify.
So much like one’s facebook status, I think personalized plates should be run by a minimum of 15 people. If half or less don’t get it, it’s bad. If you get pity laughs, don’t do it. And if they just smile nicely and back slowly towards the exit, just take what the DMV gives you and be happy.
The Goon Room 