Last night, I opened a two pack of Halloween sized Starburst and found two lemon Starbursts. Disgusted, I threw them back in the bag and pulled out another. Same thing. Then another and again, found two yellow Starbursts. Realizing that this was surely a sign of the apocalypse, I moved onto the Snickers.

In an effort to conserve some money this year, I am rationing out the candy. No more “help yourself!” to all the rug rats that come to the door. Instead, my costume is going to be the crabby neighbor lady who is sipping wine on the front patio and doles out no more than 2 pieces per person to those under the age of 12 and over the age of 2. No multiple handfuls for the 15 year olds that come with the creepy and often downright terrifying masks. Or worse, no costume at all. And I am for sure turning down the adults holding the 3 month old baby’s bag and trick-or-treating “for the baby”. Keep walking sista. If you want some candy, confiscate it from your other kids.

And because I am still scarred from my beautiful Pottery Barn bowl being stolen off our front stoop in DC, I will not be leaving a bowl of candy on the patio once we’ve turned in for the night. I will, however, consider hiding in the bushes to spray any smart asses who think it’s funny to bang on the door after we’ve turned the patio light off.

Happy Halloween!!