Tag: humor

Notable Quotes

Leave a comment

We had a fantastic weekend. We accomplished a monumental to do list and also had a great time too. That said, there were lots of laughs. I happened to be on my game and write them down. Here are the highlights:

Peter: “that’s a great idea”
Me: “thanks, it’s the wine. It brings on my creativity”
Peter: “you must be drinking white because red just makes you drunk”
–
Peter: “they say he’s just a really nice guy”
Me: “you mean like a really nice guy for having so many tattoos”
Peter: “no, I mean like he’s a really just nice guy”
Me: “listen, those aren’t puppy dogs and smiley faces. Those are ANGRY tattoos. Really Nice people don’t get angry tattoos”
Peter: “ok, so maybe he’s like a nice guy for a guy who had angry tattoos”
–
Me: “Good God, we didn’t become hockey fans, did we?!!”
Peter: “it’s the playoffs”
Me: “well, last time I checked we aren’t Canadian soooo lets make a deal on what we’re watching, ok?”
–
And my personal favorite watching Sesame Street with Bay:
Oscar the Grouch to LL Cool J: “Listen Mr.’Momma-said-knock-you-out’, if I don’t want to go to the beach, I don’t have to!!”.
Oh that Oscar, he’s a witty one!

Get Organized

3 Comments

If I had the option of becoming a horder or death, I would choose death. My cleanliness and organization skills border on OCD and honestly, I’m ok with that. I’m ok with the fact that I was known for having my own vacuum in the sorority house – people may have made fun, but when Mom and Dad were coming to visit, I was their best buddy. I like to know exactly where everything is but I never want to actually see it. I want everything to be functional, organized and pretty.

Thankfully, I married a man who feels the same way. Maybe not to quite the same level, but he has his moments and if I strike at the right time, I can coordinate his urge to organize with a place that needs to be organized and BAM! A beautifully organized space.

That said, we have an area of our house that tends to fall apart often. Our garage is a constant project. It’s contents are eclectic as they are evolving and therefore keeping it organized is a full-time job. That said, it was in desperate need of a clean up

What could be so bad behind such a pretty door?

Ooooh, yeah. That’s bad.

Yikes….

I forgot to snap pictures before Peter started to hang the fancy new, modular peg boards I found so pretend they aren’t there. It doesn’t make it  much better, but still. So after Peter’s hard work and some ruthless organizing, we have this:

And this!

And this!

Geeze, you’d think we go to the beach far more often than once a year….

So until the next time all the crap piles up and the garage needs a face lift, it’s so pretty!

Dear APS….

4 Comments

Dear Arizona Public Service,

I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed ALL the advertising that I was subjected to at the Diamondbacks v Cubs game on Friday night. Not only do I think a new logo was totally appropriate, I think the constant and unrelenting marketing was absolutely necessary. Because there’s nothing that I love more that forking over my daughter’s college fund to cool our home to a mear 81 degrees inside while the temperatures outside reach 115. Because I have a choice on which electric company I choose…OH WAIT. No, no I don’t. I don’t get to choose which electric company I want to hand over my hard earned money to – so the fact that you’re using said hard earned dollars to put your new and no-very-exciting logo right next to  the batter’s name and stats is TOTALLY UNNECESSARY. Why would you avertise when your customers don’t actually get to choooose you as a provider?? Are you just rubbing this fact in my face?? Why on earth would you need to advertise to a public that has no choice but to pay your astronomical prices?!

Just wait APS. Juuust wait. I’m going to get solar panels some day and when you have to send me a check rather than the other way around, I’m going to take out an ad at Chase Field that says “EAT IT APS. KISSES, BETH”.

What’s in Baylie’s Bag – 7th Edition

Leave a comment

This week’s bag of choice was actually a box, rather than Baylor’s usual shopping bag or purse. I gave her an old hat box I used to use for stationary intending it for organizing some of the MANY toys we have accumulated. Instead, it served as a fun toy in itself. She played putting things in and out of it and then started her usual collection. Here’s this week’s booty:

New bunny, beany butt bear and little rabbit

Play coffee, an egg and two ice cream cones (is she my kid or what?)

Her Little Gym medal which she wore for a week after receiving (literally)

The gender neutral Little People Family and their furniture. No judgement, all I’m saying is that it’s hard to play “house” when you’re not sure which one is the mommy

Her favorite Emerald City surf shop t-shirt that she shares with Kat, her favorite stuffed animal

The Good, The Bad and The Punishment

2 Comments

I came home to find this yesterday:

The good news? Bear’s breath has never been fresher.

The bad news? I have no idea if this stuff will kill him. But since it was yesterday and he’s his bad/usual self, I think we’re in the clear.

The punishment? The EARS

“Whatever. You think you’re sooo funny. First this stupid haircut and now the freaking bunny ears. Laugh it up guys. Laugh. It. Up. Because I’m so peeing on the rug tonight.”

The Wine-o that I Know

Leave a comment

It seemed fitting that I imbibe a glass (or two) of wine while I write this post (p.s. it’s the evening when I’m writing. I haven’t gotten to the point where I’m drinking wine out of a coffee cup, thankyouverymuch).

My mom and step dad left for Montana, their summer home away from home. They run a guest ranch (www.hubya.com) just outside of Yellowstone and it’s the time of year that I hate when they go back to start getting ready for the season. We visit around the 4th of July and meet my mom in San Diego in the late summer, but that’s it until October each year.

The good part about them going? They unload their refrigerator, pantry and most importantly their wine collection on us! I left my mom’s house the other day with not only office supplies for the family business we run, but a ridiculous amount of wine. Not to mention the delicious things they purchase at Costco and AJ’s are now happily waiting to be ingredients in our next meal. The wine consists of either labels they’ve bought and decided they didn’t like (never had that problem myself) or gifts of a vintage they don’t prefer. But despite their origin, they are all happily at home in our modest wine rack.

While the influx of fermented grapes is wonderful, there are a few down sides. The first is we now have a great excuse to pop the cork more nights a week. And while this makes the night very enjoyable, my productive projects that I schedule for after Baylie is asleep like ironing, blogging, mopping, etc, are shot. While wine fueled posts are generally funny, they usually prove to be too much work to edit the following morning. And wine fueled mopping is dicey at best.

The second problem is that  is that I think the cheap wine we usually buy is a little self conscious. Peter pointed out that one of the bottles from my mom was from 2002. It occured to me that I never pay as much attention to the date on the label as the number on the price tag.  Therefore the bottle(s) of Rex Goliah ($4.99) is feeling a bit inferior to the bottle of Monte’s Alpha (not a clue on the price since I shop the shelves from my waist down) that I’m quite certain cost at least four times that.

But! Not to worry my pretties. I will drink you all and enjoy you equally. Or at least that’s what I’ll tell you.

What’s In Baylie’s Bag? 6th Edition

2 Comments

This week’s bag contents are pretty eclectic. In fact, I don’t know where she found some of this stuff seeing as I haven’t see it in a very long time.

In the last WIBB post, I received a very strange comment on the post regarding the contents of Baylie’s bag. It all but accused me of being a child pornographer because apparently the doll’s bathing suit in the picture looked like a child’s bra (random?). I promptly deleted the comment and was very close to letting the reader know to take their business elsewhere. So, for any new readers of The Goon Room, What’s in Baylie’s Bag? is a weekly post that details the contents of my sweet two-year-old’s bag of choice. It’s amusing to see what she has decided is worthy of carrying around repeating “let’s go!!”.

This week’s bag: New Monkey themed bag from the $1 section at Target. Baylie makes “monkey” sounds when she points to the picture.

Contents:

A tea cup

2 Bunny cups

Bunny ears

Barbie (a must)

Your Personal Penguin book

Baby Colors book

Wooden duck toy

2 religious medals that I haven’t seen in years

2 sets of keys

A door bumper

An Easter Card

Where Time Meets Creativity

2 Comments

When creative energy meets a quite space of time, it produces great blog posts, chapters in a book I hope to complete some day and many things checked off of my work to do list.

Getting these two things in the same place at the same time is not only tricky, it’s damn near impossible it seems these days. The result? Painstakingly painful posts requiring much more work than what the result would lead one to believe. No work done on a book other than dreams of what I will wear to the book signing and raised anxiety levels over the fact that my list is growing rather than shrinking.

My new goals? Sleep less, push to make the most of nap time and find an additional hour a day where I encourage the kiddo to play quietly while I get a few things done. Prioritize my to do list for life, for work and for myself and stick to it and not freak out when it doesn’t all get done some days (ha. I laughed when I wrote that one. But writing is the first step, yes?). Carve out more structured play time/learning time with Bay and not feel like a horrible mother when her big activities for the day are a trip to the grocery and vacuuming. And to take a deep breath.

iiiiiinnnnnnn aaaaaaannnnnndddddd oooooouuuutttttt

Sir, We GET IT

2 Comments

We live near a large park and in general have very active neighbors. I tend to see the same people out often in about a 1 mile radius around our house and especially jogging on the canal. I’ve noticed lately that I have seen the same guy running all over the place; near the mall, near the grocery, at the park, etc.

The reason I notice him is not for the reasons I think he would want to be noticed for. First, he always wears a beanie. It can be 60 degrees or 100+ and the guy always has on a beanie. Second, he’s never wearing a shirt. Third, he wears cargo shorts. And lastly but certainly not leastly, he has two LARGE Doberman Pincers on a joined leash tied around his waist.

The first time I saw this dude running by my car, my thought was “We get it! You workout! A lot! And you have tough dogs! You want everyone looking at you to think you’re tough too! But the dogs tied to your waist might be a touch overboard!”.

Every time I see him, I can’t help but think about what kind of person he is – because you can’t workout like that and not be a total and complete weirdo. I imagine him to be that guy in the office who is short and bald so he makes up for it by talking loudly and also condescendingly to his coworkers. He drives a BMW, but only makes $30k a year. He wears Ed Hardy shirts (when he does wear a shirt) and  he doesn’t have a conversation without texting on his blackberry.

In short, I hate this guy. It takes great strength to stop my car in front of him, roll down the window and scream “REALLY?!?!”. And on the outside chance someone reading The Goon Room knows Mr.Shirtless Waist Leash guy, do him a favor and give him the link to the blog. And a shirt. And a memo that says “enough already, we GET IT”.

Coupons Shmoopons

3 Comments

I keep seeing the commercials for this show called Extreme Couponing on TLC. Here’s the link: http://press.discovery.com/us/tlc/programs/extreme-couponing/

Basically, these women go to crazy lengths to get multiple coupons which then lead to their entire grocery bill totalling $0. Meaning they have so many coupons, they don’t have to pay anything.

I do grab a few coupons here and there when I get them in the mail or from family members who don’t use them. My sister and I trade the leftovers from each Sunday’s paper and I end up with a little stack each week for the grocery. I refuse to buy anything that I don’t need or a brand I don’t like. If it’s not Jiffy Peanut Butter, I’m not interested.  Lately, I’ve had a few duplicates and I was very excited to live my own Extreme Couponing dream knowing that a few items on my list would be totally free. The money saving is just a bonus. Really, it’s turned into a challenge so saving money means duh, WINNING.

And here’s where I call bullshit on the Extreme Coupon movement. I have been to Safeway, Target, Fry’s and even (gasp) WalMart. And let me tell you, NONE OF THEM will take more than one coupon per item. Meaning if I buy one box of Truvia sweetener and I have three coupons, I can only use one coupon per box.

So how are these people doing it?! If WALMART won’t help me out, who will? Do these women stalk the cashier that they know either doesn’t know or  doesn’t care about the number of items to the number of coupons ratio?? That said, how are they buying 20 boxes of pasta for free? Are there coupons out there for the total cost of an item?? And who needs 20 boxes of pasta??

I guess my experiment goes down in the “failed” column. And I can stop trying to hoard extra coupons from family and friends and take a few dollars saved as a win. And leave the food hording, paper cut fingers, dumpster diving for tossed newspapers and cashier convincing to the “professionals”. You win ladies, you win.